You didn't get the door slammed in your face...with milkshakes...

You don't owe this guy a beer...

You don't have to do this for a living...

You aren't this baby...

You don't have white carpet with spaghetti accents...

Your cork didn't win...

You didn't get stuck on...or in...the bus...

You didn't just give your Mac a bath...

You don't have to try to explain this to your grandma...

You know about glass doors...

You were not apparently kidnapped by strangers as a toddler....

You are not a high fashion model...(or a newborn baby deer)...

You are not this guy....with these tan lines...

You are not these geeks...(it's ok, nobody probably saw)...

Your crotch doesn't smell like wolf treats...

This is not your wedding photo...or your thumbs up...

You can't even jump this far...

You aren't dumb enough to try this...

You didn't wear wings to prom...(did you?)

You aren't these guys either...

These aren't your "supportive" friends...

You didn't drop your Mickey D's in the subway...

You didn't just have a Cheetos spill...

You didn't just get kicked in the face by Conan O'Brian...

This didn't just happen to you...