Secrets: I wish I had the nerve to…

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What do you wish you had the nerve to finally do?! “I wish I had the nerve to tell my mother in law off!!!” “I wish I had the nerve to get a divorce.” “I wish I had the nerve to come out to my family.”

Secrets: What's the riskiest thing you've ever done?!

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What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? “Hooked up with someone in Vegas two years in a row. Second year, I found out he was married and his wife was expecting… I have never felt more gross!” “Went for a unicorn ride with my best friends mom.” “

Secrets: What's your favorite way to appear smarter than you are?!

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What do you do to make yourself appear smarter?? “I adjust my glasses!” “I occasionally try to appear smarter by quoting people. As Ben Franklin said…” “I tell everyone I am a Recreation Therapist, which I am, but really I play games with seniors all day.” “I wear a blazer or suit coat with any outfit.”

Secrets: What are you reluctantly known for?

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What are you known for although not necessarily proud of? “I’m known for having a crooked butt crack.” “When I was in 6th grade I had to share something unique about my family history in social studies. I had recently discovered that my parents are 2nd cousins & I thought it was cool. I shared it with the class and was known for it until I moved out of my hometown.” “I am know as “Caramelitious”. Drunk with my hubby and somehow caramel was poured on my tat tats.”

Secrets: What's the most embarrassing thing you caught your parents doing?!

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What’s the most embarrassing thing you ever caught your parents doing?? “We were on a vacation and sharing a hotel room… I woke up to them banging on the bed next to me. Most horrific thing EVER!!!” “Came home to find my parents practicing slang terms and then googling to make sure they were using them correctly. Spoiler alert… They weren’t.” “We caught my dad urinating in the brand new dresser he bought for my mom. He bought her a whole new bedroom set and ended up urinating in it on her 40th birthday.”

Secrets: What's the misconception people have about you?!

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What’s the biggest misconception people have about you? “I’m a therapist & a common misconception about me is that everyone thinks I care about their issues. When my therapist hat is off IDGAF ????” “Yes, I’m a woman who works in construction. No, I’m not a lesbian.” “Crying will get you out of a ticket when you get pulled over. I’ve been a police officer for 27 years… Fake tears = ticket”

Secrets: What screams "I'm a terrible parent"?

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What screams “I’m a terrible parent”?? “I’m a bad parent because I don’t do tattling and if there is no blood I let them fight it out. Natural consequences if they get hurt doing dumb stuff.” “I’m a bad parent because I give my kids melatonin to sleep at night so they can get up at 5am for school.” “When I see parents smoking with kids in the car! Horrible people!!!”

Secrets: I don't care how old I am, I will always…!

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I don’t care how old I am, I will always (blank)! “I don’t care how old I am I will always say no to granny panties!! Thongs only no matter what my age.” “No matter how old I get I will always eat Krafts macaroni and cheese with chicken tenders.” “Laugh at a fart lol!”