Crisco, Dez & Ryan | Featured | KS95

ChillBillies on Fire


While all the Who’s down in Whoville are trimming their tree’s, all the Cheugs out in Cheugville are burning their trees. Who’s decorating, ice skating, and singing with glee, Cheugs are drinking, peeing and missing their teeth. Over the past couple weeks Dez has introduced all of us to the winter hillbilly lifestyle, aka #chillbilly. Once Christmas season was over, Dez and her friends gathered on the frozen waters of the St. Croix to burn their Christmas Trees. As high noon approached and the sun was looking upon us from atop it’s apex, the sounds of ATV’s and carousing chillbillies began to echo from beyond the forested horizon. The chillbillies were coming.

Dragging their trees across a fresh blanket of snow. One hand covered in sap, the other holding a motor oiled stained koozied Natty Ice. The drunkard chillbillies stumble their way to center ice and lay their precious Christmas trees across the frozen fresh waters. With lighters in hand, lighter fluid beside, one by one the chillbillies began to set their trees aflame.

These once beautiful, majestic trees, with a dash of magic and a drop of child-like faith blossomed for eight plus years, all to someday be a beautiful Christmas tree decked with the halls. These Christmas trees dreamt of someday standing tall next to stockings hung with care and becoming best friends with the crackling fireplace sharing the same room. Little did these poor trees know they would soon be on fire. Courtesy of the Cheugs down in Cheugville. As the trees turned to ashes and this crisp winter night passes the chillbillies disappear back into the woods. Together they all slip into a hot tub to drink wine and beveraged suds and soak the night away. As the last ember turns gray and the flame goes away, the chillbillies cheer with their chillbilly beer “Here’s to another year of burning away our Christmas cheer!” and so ends just another typical night in a chillbilly’s life. Dez, we can’t wait to hear your next chillbilly story.