Crisco, Dez & Ryan | KS95

Crisco Drops a Bombshell

Angela Merkel, Matteo Renzi
German Chancellor Angela Merkel, left, and Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi speak during a press conference in front of Michelangelo’s David statue after their bilateral summit in Florence, Italy, Friday, Jan. 23, 2015. (AP Photo/Antonio Calanni)

Boom! Out of nowhere Crisco dropped a bombshell on all of us! He lets us know he has major news and a major announcement he has to make. But, he’s not going to do it right now. We have to wait just a bit. Like all great things, you must have great patience and wait.  Immediately speculations started swirling around like gorgeous leaves dancing to the colors of the wind on a crisp autumn morning. All we know is it’s something he pledged he would NEVER do! What could it be? Everybody wants to know! Is he leaving the show? Is he finally getting rid of his dusty, gross, unattractive, smelly, ugly, dirty, hideous, broke down, old woman junker of a car that couldn’t be more of a turn-off and upgrade to something a little less disgusting? We don’t know! All we know at this point is that it’s big news and it’s going to shock us all.

So, after leaving us in the dark, stewing in our own angst and anticipation, Crisco was finally ready to break the news. S

o Crisco, what’s the “big news”?

Que the drum roll.

Crisco… matched with someone on Tinder and has been on now two dates with her!!

He swore he would never date again. Well, well, well… What a liar.

Turns out this new and improved Crisco is turning heads and dropping jaws all around town. Yup, many ah women around these parts are really starting to notice this Michelangelo David look-alike, aka Prince Charming, aka Prince Crisco, aka the Big Tamale. So, is this new fiery fling, a serious thing or are these two giddy kids just having some fun? Looks like it’s too early to answer that question, but all signs seem to point that there is definite potential for a long-term relationship here (Something that Crisco vowed he’d never be part of). This certainly must be some special lady then. So, is Crisco “off the market” ladies? Maybe not completely off the market for good, but definitely “temporarily out-of-stock” for now. He’s been to her place, met the dog, and even received multiple jars of homemade salsa. Looks like things are really heating up ; )

Side note, according to multiple sources (including Dez and Ryan) this homemade salsa is very, VERY good! So much has changed about our loveable big guy in the past handful of months. Things that some, including Crisco himself, said would never happen. He’s down a remarkable amount of weight and still going, and now he has a possible love interest with this spicy senorita. So what’s next for this KS95’s Casanova? Who knows?! The possibilities are endless and we can’t wait to follow along and find out! What we do know is that infectious laugh and hilarious humor isn’t going anywhere. Whether you like it or not, (and we know how most of you feel and we apologize) our beautiful, bodacious, bewitching big guy is here to stay! Again… really apologize to most of you. Contracts, blah blah blah, all that stuff. In fact, the biggest surprise out of all of this is not only did he just get a contract in general, he actually got a pretty good one… We love you Crisco!! We love you SO much!