Looking for a long-term partner? Getting comfy with the idea of ending things early and often could help. “Part of dating is the idea of failing fast,” explains psychologist Lisa Bobby. It’s not so much about dumping people who don’t seem like a perfect match, she says, it just means being more upfront about who you are and being ready to let go of those who don’t appreciate you.
“Be very clear about who you are and very authentic in the way you show up,” Bobby advises. To be successful in dating, she also recommends these tips:
- Don’t try to control your image – Remember that the point of a date isn’t to get someone to like you, but to figure out whether you’re compatible with each other. Bobby says a big mistake people make with dating is focusing on “image management,” so they try to present themselves in a way that’s appealing to others. But that only works for so long because eventually, the parts they were trying to hide come out and it “feels difficult to deal with” for both people, the therapist explains.
- Treat dating like a job interview – The more you can be yourself in the beginning, rather than trying to just be pleasing to your date, will help you figure out more quickly if things will work out with them. To help you stay true to yourself, Bobby recommends treating dating like a job interview. “Tell yourself, ‘I’m not here to have you like me,’” she advises. Remind yourself that you’re there to find your person and that you have to be real to figure out if you’re right for each other.